What else can go wrong?

Well the past month has been probably one of the worst months I have had in probably 6 years! They say bad things come in three.....

• loose a baby
• loose my job

what else can I count as the third? Well let's see:

• Gregg working his tail off to buy me a camera I have been dreaming of for I don't know how long being delivered right at the time I walk in from being laid off and having to refuse the package because I just can't justify spending that kind of money when I will not be bringing any in.........
  
• Having to call the vacation booking place to get a refund on the Disney vacation we paid for a month ago that I have been promising the boys we could take (that they have been trying so hard to earn money for).....thank the Lord I have not told them we were going yet.
  

I don't know, when it rains it poors! right now I am just numb. Not really thinking it would ever happen! Being part-time you are always on the chopping block. Employers think you are the most disposable when they need to cut costs because you are just 'part-time'. When in truth it is sort of true. Those that are full-time would have a much harder time being laid off than me.....but right now I have to be selfish and think of me.....why? why? why? You know at the beginning of the year I think the Lord was trying to prepare me for this. We were and are not in that much debt anyway (thank goodness). But it really made me think about everything and cut back on as much as we can. We were somewhat prepared. We have some money saved (a little) and we will see how long that lasts us. I am torn! I really like to work. I like to use my mind and what I went to school for so long for! I love being a mom and that is what tears me up! I really think the job I just lost was my dream job! When I was going to school and changed my major I specifically said I would really love to work at home part-time doing accounting for a local company......I guess I should know better that dreams don't always last! I have never been laid off and let me tell you that is probably one of the worst feelings you can ever have. Well I don't know loosing a baby is right up there too!
I have not posted about that one because it has not been a good subject to talk about. I found out we were pregant and wow what a surprise! I was starting to honestly feel that my three (four) boys and I were very content. I knew the last pregancy was not good for my body and my DR told me so. It is really hard to make the decision you are done, ya know? So anyway, I was starting to really feel like it was okay and we were done. Then I found out. Oh the emotions that went on in my head! Craziness! As I have posted about before my sweet little Zeke is well quite a handfull. There were many days I would cry going 'oh my word what am I going to do with another one?'. In fact it took me probably 6 weeks to come to grip with the fact I was pregnant. So 12 weeks rolls around and when the DR saw me and there was no heart beat, I felt like my heart stopped too! I was warming up to the thought of a sweet little one around the house. With a little glimmer of hope I could share the house with a girl?! NOPE too much to ask for. Then I felt sorry for myself thinking 'why did this have to happen to me?' haven't I lost enough babies in my life.....do I really have to go through this again? Oh my gosh!
I guess I got through the miscarriage, I will have to get through this! Why?
Thanks for letting me vent!